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Dad Revelations

Dad Revelations: Cheater

The other morning just as we’re about to leave for school, my wife is getting my daughter’s backpack ready. We hadn’t looked at it over the weekend because it was her birthday, grandparents where in town, and… whatever… just didn’t get to it. Good thing though, because she pulled out a graded spelling test and in big scary red ink was the number “0” and the word “CHEAT.”

My first thought, honestly, was an instinctive reaction as if it was my paper and I was busted by my parents. Fear and trembling. Cold sweat. They’ll kill me or worse. Oh wait.

It’s not mine. YAY!

But I’m the parent now. Boo.

“Don’t freak out,” I tell myself. My wife wisely tells me to not address this now; we’ll talk after school. But silly me can’t not talk.

We drive to school and instead I ask her about the topic in general. “Do you know what cheating is? What does the teacher think?” She’s just now 8 years old. She understands the general concept of cheating, but more in the case of “cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater” when another kid cuts a corner in a race around the playground. Her explanation to me was that her study notes were in her desk and she was stuck on the biggest word, “frightening.” More of a curiosity thing than a heinous crime. Motive carries a little weight, but still… technically wrong.

The tables have been turned, and suddenly (for once in my life) I wasn’t the one who did wrong. I’m not in trouble! But obligated to do something here as a parent. I created this pretty little independent person and am responsible to give her life-lessons, discipline, goals. Parenting is hard. I think I’d rather be the kid, take the punishment and go play than be the one to figure out how to deal with this as a father. I’m sad, embarrassed, disappointed, and frustrated that I can’t just force her do what I know she should.

Forgive me for seeing the obvious God/human parallel here. He’s got to be so frustrated with us. Especially Christians who have said to God that we will follow Him, do what He asked us to do, but manage to screw it up – daily if not hourly. I wonder what God’s reaction is. Sad? Just a facepalm? Frustrated? Or does the All-knowing have the big picture in hand, sit back and patiently wait, hoping that the guidance He provided will be enough for us to make it through? This is where as a parent I can relate to the Israelite children and their back-n-forth drama. “We will follow the LORD! Hey, is that a golden calf? COOL!” Scary part is that overall I’ll simply put my parenting skills out there and hope for the best.

So what do I want out of my children?

I don’t expect them to be perfect. Impossible. Parenting is balancing act of forgiveness and consequences, all covered in love. Being perfect is not the goal.

I do want them to try. Judging on my initial reaction alone, I was less upset by the cheating paper than I was when she left most of the answers blank on another test. Imagine if every self-describing Christian lived an intentional life. Not a perfect life, just intentional. Purposefully trying to love God and love others.

I do want them to understand that not all rules are equal. If I have to yell at her to brush her teeth every.. single.. night.. for the rest of her time in this house, it will all be forgotten if at 18 she is still the same sweet, kind, sympathetic, friendly young woman, just like the 8 year old that I know now.

But… you still can’t cheat on your test when you’re 18 either.

Dad Revelations

Dad Revelations: Smiles

My son recognizes me. He is only three months old but he recognizes me, and has for some time. I know this because of his smile. He smiles at a few things:

When his sister does her squeaking baby talk;

Sometimes when his mobile moves above him;

When people make big faces in front of him;

And when I come home.

I don’t need to squeal, or throw him around, or make silly faces. He sees me, makes eye contact, and smiles. A big toothless, full-faced, bright-eyed smile.

Such a small, simple reaction and it completely draws me in. Every care and worry from the day has instantly been forgotten. Every other sound in the room is muffled. He’s not doing it to please me, not because he was told to, or by habit. He sees me, recognizes me, and he’s happy.

Every so often I have “dad revelation” and understand God a little more through my experiences as a father. So many things make sense now. Things that without having become a father myself I may have never fully grasped. This is one that hit home harder because it wasn’t just understanding why God does what He does, but it’s about me as a child.

When’s the last time I smiled at God? When have I recognized Him at some point during the day, and looked up with a big toothy, full-faced, bright-eyed smile? The concept is almost foreign to me. I look to Him in moments of desperation or extreme sadness. I recall more than a few situations where I’ve left the office upon hearing some distressing news and walked to a hidden spot in the parking garage and looked straight up to the sky, but I wasn’t smiling. On Sundays we sing about Him and to Him, but still at a distance. We pray almost as if we’re writing a letter in a bottle and send it sailing, hoping to hear a response someday. If we’re honest, we’re probably going to church more for the social aspect (which is still a good thing) and a nice worship boost to start the week. But do we have other moments where we just smile at Him? How would it make Him feel? What would it do for us?

I’m going to be more purposeful in recognizing when God works in my life, take time to appreciate Him and then show it. I can’t repay, and He wouldn’t expect me to. But I know how I feel when my baby boy wakes up in the morning, rubs his eyes, and focuses on me. So maybe I’ll just take a moment, for no better reason than the fact that God simply is who He is, look up…

and smile.

Social media

My Facebook Hiatus

I’m sure it’s been done dozens of times, but after deciding that I could use a break from Facebook for a few days, I thought I’d write down my personal observations. Most of you fall into two groups: You don’t see the big deal because you haven’t checked Facebook in a few days(weeks) anyway, or you’ve already checked Facebook since clicking on this post.

Nothing dramatic happened that made me consider taking a break, besides simply knowing that I should. Possibly after realizing I checked it for the tenth time before lunch. I don’t check it for long; I don’t sit there scrolling for hours. I think I just hope to see something. Anything. Amusing, insulting, don’t care. Just distract me for a moment. Like a king sitting on his throne, bringing in jesters one at a time. “Entertain me, peasant!” When nothing suits me, closing my browser is the modern-day equivalent of “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”

It was good timing. I had a four-day weekend over Labor Day, and Facebook would be a lame way to spend it. My observations started immediately, then dwindled over time as real life happened in its place.

Friday:

  • Immediately fought the urge to check fb (a true addict)
  • Went to other social media formats within the hour (the equivalent of a former smoker chewing gum)
  • Had to find a place to get the news directly
  • Didn’t know how to contact my wife. (Do I text her? How archaic!)
  • Later, bored sitting next to wife while she checks her fb
  • Wife giving me her fb updates since I can’t see them

Saturday:

  • Online shopping (though I’m too cheap to buy much)
  • Time on my hands
  • Discovered a lack of purpose
  • Started a project, backyard firepit!

Sunday:

  • Lost shared experiences (football game, sharing baby pics)
  • Finished project!

Monday:

  • Realized I didn’t miss much

So like a true snob (or hipster?) I came back to Facebook the next day bored with it. Almost annoyed. At least with myself for knowing that I’ve spent countless hours wasting my life away here. But I’m also not stubborn enough to not realize that it has benefits worth my time. I like sharing life experiences with friends and family I don’t see too often, I just don’t need to watch the video they shared of puppies falling asleep. It’s a prefect place to follow businesses, but not worth the time to try and win a free sticker by following these simple steps, allowing us access to view your page and friends list, and completing this survey, after you Like, Share, and Comment.

And lastly, looking for opportunities to bless other people. This hiatus came right after our church completed a 30-day prayer challenge. I somehow came up with the idea to post a reminder of the day’s prayer topic with a relevant image or verse on the church group wall. I received a surprising number of comments thanking me for the reminder, and how it always started their day off on the right foot. If my time online isn’t a benefit to me or someone else, then what am I doing!? Might as well be working on phase 2 of the Firepit project.

About Me, Public Speaking

About this

The username iamnotjared is one I came up with on the fly while living in Florida. I went to set up a new account. First step “What’s your username?” My username? I don’t know! This will forever define me! It can’t be boring. jaredthroneberry@email.com? UGH! No. It must be different; silly yet intriguing. iamnotjared. Perfect. It doesn’t make sense, but it does. It has on hundreds of occasions garnered a snicker or at least a puzzled eyebrow raise, and that’s all I could have ever asked for.

I about overturned the tables when I saw “iamnotmark@email.com” on a sign-up sheet once. Copycat.

But in a strange way the tail has wagged the dog in that I am not the Jared you think you know. Whatever side of me you first encountered, there’s probably a different side of me you wouldn’t have suspected. My wife gets me, and she’s probably the only one. I am not a typical personality or have one defining characteristic. My least favorite survey question: “What are your interests/hobbies?” I don’t know. None of them, all of them? I am very much a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none. Problem is that this dilemma bleeds into my professional life.

I have found an interest in public speaking. Something I believe I do well. I won four levels of the Toastmasters World Championship of Public Speaking to compete at the Semi-finals in Malaysia in 2014. So, why can’t this be my thing? You know, public speaking. (My Toastmasters club would get me for having said “you know.”) I’ve tried to stick my toes in the water a couple of times but haven’t jumped in. I realized why last week while watching a webinar on How to Get Paid for Speaking! His first questions:

Why do you want to speak?

Who do you want to speak to?

What do you want to speak about?

I’m not sure, I don’t know, and I don’t care.

Needless to say, I didn’t purchase his Become A Speaker package for 12 easy payments of $67 since I couldn’t even get past the first question. Apparently that was supposed to be the easy part.

I’m easy-going, I usually do what I’m asked to do. So for me to go out there and say “You should pay me to speak about this!” is beyond me at this point. If you came to me and asked “Jared, will you speak to our Kiwanis Club about the Benefits of Social Media? We’ll pay you $100.”  YES MA’AM! And it will be a good speech, too. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. You won’t even notice time passing by (an actual comment made to me by someone who recently heard me speak. Made. My. Week.)

Thus…. this blog.

Hoping that gathering my thoughts on random topics and experiences will help me sort out what it is I have to say. Intention here is not to become a blogger, but to figure out as Billy Crystal’s character in The Princess Bride asked, “Hey! Hello in there. Hey! What’s so important? What you got here that’s worth living for?”